The Asian Woman: A Perspective

As a Western man, my greatest fear before I made the decision to marry Ping was that her motives might not be pure. How was I to know? How could I be sure? I will leave it to each Western man to decide what steps he should take to protect himself from the possible scheming of a woman from another country whose only purpose is to find a way to come to America or to another Western country.

Are there women from other countries whose motives are less than pure? Yes, I have seen this happen myself. Are there women from other countries who aren't sure if they are really committed to marriage with a Western man and to life in America? Absolutely. Again, I have seen this happen myself, and on more than one occasion. There are even forums where the women talk openly about how they are just using a Western man in order to leave their native country.

But are there also smart, dedicated, honest, and loving women in other countries whose motives are pure when they date and marry a Western man? You can bet that there are. Again I have seen these types of relationships myself. They can be stable, happy, long-term relationships in a respectful and loving environment. But don't kid yourself. It will take at least as much work as a relationship or marriage within your own race and within your own culture.

So how do you know?

What made the difference for me was the relationship that I sensed and then saw for myself that existed between Ping and our daughter. I watched the family relationship and the extended family relationship closely. I also watched to see how Ping and our daughter interacted with their friends. Then I gave it time, lots of time, before we actually married.

I didn't rely on reassuring words. I waited until actions proved those words. It became absolutely clear to me that our daughter was the most important thing in Ping's life. I knew that she would never risk her daughter's future and her happiness by leading her into a fraudulent relationship just so she could move to America.

Learning about Ping's values was also critically important to me. Many of these values became clear to me by watching the values that had been passed down to our daughter. I learned other values through our daily interaction with each other, whether by email or telephone or in person. I also watched to see what values were important to Ping's extended family, and watched to see how Ping treated them and how they treated her.

In the end I was lucky. As you read our story, you will meet two remarkable Chinese ladies. I hope you can be as lucky in life and in love as I have been, whether you choose to marry an Asian woman or a woman from a different race. Be careful. Be smart. Be happy.

Lee Solomon